About the Book

My memoir deals with the three-year period when I had no faith, yet I still needed to continue making my living as a parish pastor for a Lutheran congregation. I preached, taught Bible classes, officiated at funerals, visited the sick and prayed with them, all without a sense that God was real. The anguish and hypocrisy I experienced were profound. 

What led me into ministry in 1980 at a time when female clergy were few? How did my childhood, specifically my position as a middle child in a family of four children, influence my personality so that I would even consider a male dominated profession? How did the unexpected betrayals and loneliness I experienced in parish ministry contribute to my loss of faith? 

The reader will walk with me to find out, “Will she ever come back to God, or God to her?” You will find forthrightness, humor, dark forces, and healing light.